I’ve been talking a lot about how the addition of the one medication I’ve been missing has helped with my energy level, but haven’t really talked about how my mood has been affected.
Up until the last couple of days, I’ve been really enjoying a wonderful upswing in my mood. I’ve been more optimistic, I’ve felt happier, it’s been harder for things to agitate me or get under my skin – would it make sense if I told you that when I’m in a better mood I get a tougher skin, emotionally speaking? – and I’ve generally been more fun to be around.
I’m still easily overwhelmed by humanity, as my post earlier about the experience I had while waiting for the car to be repaired attests, but at least I’m okay with being alone and not being lonely. (When I’m having a bad day, I find that being around a lot of people exacerbates my symptoms, yet being totally alone exacerbates them as well, potentially even more. The past few days, however, I’ve been okay with being alone, which likely says more about how I’ve been emotionally than anything else.) I’m okay in my skin in a greater range of social situations than I have been over the past few months, and that’s a very good thing, I believe.
I’m still not ready to go jump in a mosh pit anywhere (are there still mosh pits?) but I think I can deal with humanity a little better than I could just a couple weeks ago.
The other side of that coin, however, is that with the improvement in my mood comes an increase in my energy level, which sometimes swings things from dysthymic (the medical term for a milder form of depression) to hypomanic (the medical term for a milder form of mania). Hypomania I can manage, to a certain extent. I tend to channel all that nervous energy into cleaning, which works so long as I have stuff to do.
Last night I got pretty hypomanic, and I had to settle the anxiety of doing all the things to avoid being in trouble down with an extra Klonopin. Been a while since I’ve needed the extras I’m prescribed. I’m doing better today, but last night was dicey for a while.
Hopefully this isn’t the start of a trend into hypomania. It can be productive but tiring, and I already slept about ten hours last night.