Slowly Emerging

Last night after I posted my extremely terse blog entry I self-medicated with food and drink – we went to one of our favorite restaurants and I split a plate of poutine with my wife and had half a Cuban pressed burger (think Cuban sandwich with a burger in it), along with a cider. The waitress greeted us and immediately went into the types of ciders they had, since she remembered us and remembered I was a cider drinker. That was a good feeling, knowing that I’m enough of a regular to be recognized. Came home and went to bed in short order.

I’m admittedly not much better than I was last night. I woke up in a great mood, quickly switched to angry at myself for no reason whatsoever, and then soon after that slid back into depression. It’s five after three in the afternoon as I write this sentence and I haven’t been out of bed for long.

Logically, I know there’s no reason for me to be feeling the way I am. I know that everything is proceeding according to the prophecy, and that the events of yesterday are behind me. So I don’t know why I’m back into this well here.

Part of it is a lack of something to do, I think. We had plans to go to a friend’s for a cookout but we canceled them earlier this morning when I was in and out of bed for vitals and meds and I really wasn’t in a good headspace. There are several things that we could do, but I’m reticent to bring them up in case it’s a bad idea, so my brain is telling me that it’s best for me to sit over here and stare mindlessly at the computer like I do so often, just waiting on something better to happen to me.

I really dislike this feeling, this complete lack of momentum to get anything done with my day. I’ve done most of the checklist items up to this point in the day, and once I finish this I’ll be done for the foreseeable future, at least until my alarms go off for my afternoon meds and vitals.

Yet another boring post about my boring life. At least I’m at a point that I can write today.


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