#613 – Is It Soon Yet?

Back in October I said that I would be writing “soon” about the new direction that my education is taking me. “Soon” turned out to be nearly eight months, but I am back.

2020 was a hell of a year. I lost five friends of more than 20 years, three family members (two on the same night, for different reasons in different states), and had to put one of our cats to sleep. I’m still not sure I’m processing this well, but at this point, it feels like a lot of water under the bridge and not something that either genuinely isn’t affecting me much or I’ve buried it so deep that I don’t know if I’ll ever start the grieving process. Kinda makes me worried about my humanity, but that’s an issue for future Quinn.

So. Education. The two classes I took in spring, Beginning Creative Writing (Prose Fiction) and English Composition II, were both A’s. The Comp grade surprised me twice, first for being an A in the first place -it’s super tough for me to read for comprehension – and second for how high of an A it was. But the Prose Fiction class – that was transformative. I went into the spring semester shooting for an associate’s degree in Creative Writing. But I enjoyed the class so much that I changed my major to General Studies so that I can transfer to a four-year university and pursue a bachelor’s degree in the same subject, and possibly a master’s degree as well. This is a level of education that I gave up the dream of having back in my mid-twenties. And now almost 30 years later, here I am with the dream alive and well again. I don’t know if I will ever be able to make this a profitable career, but that’s what I’m hoping for – or at least reaching my dream of being a published author.

As is always the case, once the semester was over, I was exhausted and depressed, but this time worse than ever. I spent whole days in bed sleeping or hiding. I’m chalking up the severity of this round to how much I loved my spring classes and not wanting either of them to come to a close. And as predicted, once the summer semester and my Spanish I class started, the depression lifted and I felt re-energized. I am discovering that I am truly enjoying being a student, probably for the first time in my life.

Oh, and one more thing that happened: my legal name change was signed by the judge on February 5th, so everything I own has Quinn on it and not my deadname. I’m still, even now, sometimes thinking of myself with my deadname, but it’s not happening as much as it was, and I’m getting better about correctly gendering myself. I still trip up, but that’s normal, especially for someone that spent over 50 years going by a different name and gender. Old habits die hard.

Speaking of old habits, I am really, really, really, really, really going to try to blog at least once every week or two. Pretty much everyone in my life thinks it would be a good idea to get back to this blog on a more regular basis. I have a dear friend who is also wanting to get back into the habit of regular blogging, so we’ve agreed to help encourage one another to re-establish the habit. Hopefully this will be the difference, and I will actually be back next week sometime – maybe a little sooner, maybe a little later, but certainly not eight months this time.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, so just to be on the safe side, believe it when you see it.

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